847

Joke of the Day

"""Your mission... Should you chose to accept it..."" *Go to a bar you Hate *Put $50 in the Jukebox *Play nothing but Nickelback *Leave"

"My friend went swimming in Egypt recently... I said to him 'you do realize your swimming in one of the longest rivers in the world!'. He didn't believe me though, he's in de nile."

"""You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You gonna DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! ...Only Kidding! Welcome to Red Lobster, party of 2?"""

"Workout Tip: Be paid millions of dollars to star in a superhero movie."

"What did the slutty DNA say to the other DNA? Unzip your genes."

"I went on a scavenger hunt the other day. I shot a vulture."

"Why don't Korean captains wear hats? Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes."

"[boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount"

"Police Chief: As a recruit you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!"

"What's the difference between RPGs and Drunken Style Kung Fu? In the first, you must drink a lot of liquids before battle, but in the latter, you only pretend."