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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a theatre-snack muncher and a person who watches police sex scenes? One likes popcorn, the other likes cop-porn."

"I only ever learned a couple karate moves, so you could say I know partial arts."

"my girlfriends dad asked me what I do but apparently your daughter wasn't the answer"

"How to give a woman an orgasm? Dream harder."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One or two? One.. ..Or two?"

"*lays down on memory foam mattress* mattress: remember that time you pooped your pants in 3rd grade? me: I regret buying you"

"Do you know the difference ""Hey, do you know what the difference is between window curtains and toilet paper?"" ""No."" ""So it was you then!!!"""

"My body is 99 degrees And the flu might add a few more (I fuckin suck at jokes)"

"What's the difference between a man and a margarita? A margarita hits the spot every time!"

"Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza"