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Joke of the Day
"Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up"
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"Mario Bros. Plumbing (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfri.... (Read More)"
"One guacamole is... equal to 6.0221415 x 10^23 guaca's."
"I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to."
"How are Women and Hurricanes Similar? They both come in hot and wet and **TAKE THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER, SARAH YOU BITCH!**"
"A dyslexic man... Walks into a bra"
"Why are aliens bad at high-fives? Because they always klingon!"
"Why do the walking dead survivors try to get to washington D.C.? Because it's their Michonne."
"Therapist: So what's the problem? Wife: He thinks he's a flamingo. Me: That's it! I'm putting my foot down. *lowers foot that was raised*"
"I've been debating with myself about masturbating... On one hand it feels great... Edit: Thanks Bo"