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Joke of the Day

"I asked Jesus what he did before he died He said ""Not much. I was just getting hammered and hanging out all day."""

"Because it ruins the joke. Why should you never put the punchline in the title?"

"What do you call a vegetarian that eats seafood? An omnivore"

"A driver had to slam on their brakes to avoid hitting a midget... ...I guess you can say they made a short stop."

"LIKE if you remember this: The walk of shame when you have to put something back in a store after your mom says no."

"I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: ""Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."""

"What does a guy think in the middle of a blowjob? Fuck i'm broke."

"[tortoise arguing with his gf] ""FINE IM LEAVING"" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? ""THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"""

"Guys, police jokes aren't funny. So give it arrest. (I'm so sorry)"

"On Canada Day, I like to say ""HAPPY CANADA DAY!"" to people. But quietly. And from a distance. I don't want to be a bother."