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Joke of the Day

"A neutron orders a drink at a bar. When it comes time to pay, the neutron asks how much did the drink come to. The bartender replied, ""For you, no charge."""

"I call my weed the Quran... because every time I burn it I get stoned."

"At school, I saw my principal walking around in a daze. I asked him whathappened, and he just looked at me and said, ""I've lost my faculties!"""

"What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY!"

"Did you hear about the toilet at The Duggars' house? 19 poops and counting!"

"Great, yet another drive-in movie ruined by the neighbors saying I can't park on their lawn and watch movies through the living room window."

"""I felt a hair in my mouth but I pulled out a strand of colorful scarves. I knew then."" -David Copperfield's unauthorized bio I'm writing"

"How much porn did Jared Fogle have on his computer? A pedobyte."

"Why the musician sold his computer... It was baroque."

"Have you seen the new movie Constipated? It hasn't come out yet"