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Joke of the Day

"Did you see the guy in Birmingham, Alabama trying to fuck a clock? He heard time was relative."

"I always wanted to be somebody I should have been more specific."

"Using the little box on my MacBook charge cord to keep my feet warm, just like my ancestors did"

"What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind? That people exaggerate."

"The two most valuable lessons I've learned in life: 1) never reveal everything you know."

"Civilization is just one really long and annoying group project."

"If you used to be transgender but aren't anymore.. would that make you a transformer?"

"Life is one long earthquake for those tiny dogs who are always shaking."

"How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb? Haha, don't be silly. Feminists can't change anything!"

"[Request] I need a cutesy pun related to couples/love and umbrellas/rain. Sort of like ""Eiffel for you"", or ""never leaf me"" if you know what I mean. But please nothing too long :)"