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Joke of the Day

"What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind? That people exaggerate."

"*sees a fly* ahhh *trying to swat fly* nooo *gives up* well if ur gona stay at least pay rent lol FLY: *hands me a tiny check* ME: wat the"

"*hits bong* *abuses bong* *bong calls bong protection agency* *bong custody taken* *bong put in foster home* *bong misses old life*"

"A doe came running out of the forest: ""That's the last time I do that for two bucks."""

"The mathematician worked from home, Because he only functioned in his domain."

"I was getting drunk with this cute girl and booze was going everywhere. Then suddenly I slipped in cider."

"I've decided to retire on Monday & live off my savings. Don't know what I will do on Tuesday though?"

"After seeing a commercial for Toddlers In Tiaras, I realise Darth Vader wasn't the worst parent ever."

"In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper."

"What do you call a basement full of liberals? A whine cellar."