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Joke of the Day

"Sexting gone wrong I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to everyone in my address book today. Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps."

"What's the worst part about cumming in 2 mintues? Spooning."

"My wife just woke me up to tell me... Wait. June is over? You must be... JULYing."

"If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway."

"I eat things based on the amount of dishes I have to use."

"How does a psychic open a bag of chips? They Tarot."

"Why do mermaids put their things on top of clams? Because clams are shelf-ish."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in the leaves? Russell."

"I am not racist because racism is a crime and crime is for black people"

"What do you call a black guy who flies airplanes? A pilot, you racist."