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Joke of the Day

"Anal sex is like getting your first car You dont really want it but your step dad gives it To you anyways"

"What is worse than 7 babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to 7 trees:)"

"Here I sit all broken hearted tried to shit but only farted. Then one day I took a chance, tried to fart and shat my pants. My dad called that one The Standard"

"Me: I made you a playlist... Her: OMG! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC! Me: It only has songs about food."

"VENOM: Time to meet your maker! SPIDER-MAN: The radioactive spider? VENOM: No, like- SPIDER-MAN: My dad? Cuz he's dead. Wow, ur a douche."

"Aasians hate the NFL Cause theres no more rice"

"[death row] GUARD: Ok, here's your last meal. Bon appetit. CAT: *slowly pushes meal off table*"

"When is the worst time to have a heart attack? During a game of charades"

"Apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office."

"Don't date a man expecting to change him. At the end of the day he'll still be a man, and you'll have wasted your black candles and a goat."