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Joke of the Day

"My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full."

"OUCH I HAVE A FOOT CRAMP You're dehydrated [Walks on toes] Drink some water [Crawls on knees] Drink water [Lays on floor] Water- [Dies]"

"Boxing and fencing Two sports that have nothing to do with boxes or fences"

"My son, you were thrown out of school today for letting a girl jerk you off. Son, that's three schools this year... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

"Little Billy come out to his Dad... - Dad, I think I'm gay. - That's strange, when you were young, you did not seem to like anal sex."

"Everyone at this party is talking like a pilot.. ...they all keep saying they have to take off in the morning."

"If anyone finds 786 barely used tubes of Chapstick around my city, they're mine. I need them all back."

"It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve! - someone who believes in talking snakes"

"There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who where expecting a ternary joke."

"Don't talk down to me just because I'm drunk on tequila. That's Patronizing."