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Joke of the Day

"If you come mow my lawn for me I promise to look out the window occasionally and give you a thumbs up."

"Honey, am I fat? Of course not! You just interact a bit more with the Higgs field."

"Did you hear about the baby born with no eyelids? They used his circumcised foreskin to surgically replace his eyelids. The surgery was a success although he is a little Cock-eyed"

"Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack!"

"Whats E.T.'s first name? Yodela"

"What kind of dinosaur writes poetry? A Bronte-saurus."

"If Russia attacked Turkey from behind... ...would Greece help?"

"What do a gynecologist and a pizza guy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it."

"What do you call a constipated mason? A brick-layer."

"What's longer than most relationships these days? This status."