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Joke of the Day

"I made a huge mistake I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years."

"A boomerang walks into a bar. Gets thrown out but he came back in again."

"What do married people do for fun? Get divorced."

"Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from Greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."

"I'm not ready for a child, I should have never banged that stork."

"Helpful weight loss tip: Don't eat so much, you fat piece of shit."

"Don't text and drive. Just pull over until you're done using your phone. That's what I do. I've been on the side of the road since 2011."

"I say ""post-9/11"" for literally anything that happened in the last 14 years. Madagascar 2 is so post-9/11. Dr Pepper Ten is a post-9/11 soda"

"Dude... I was there, don't try to change the story."

"With women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at... LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff.."