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Joke of the Day

"Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY"

"I had three girlfriends once and that was the worst recess ever."

"I said Jesus take the wheel. He said I no have license, amigo."

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can't hear a vitamin."

"Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I'd be shopping at the dollar store."

"Who would win in a fight, Michael J. Fox or Taylor Swift? Michael J. Fox; he would just shake it off."

"Today I realised I really want to tie the knot with the missus. Anyone know where I can find instructions for noose tying?"

"I saw a construction sign today that said, ""road rehab"". It must've been addicted to crack."

"Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not..."

"Lady: How old's your son? Me: He's 3. Lady: Wow, he has great hand eye coordination. Me: You should see him play Grand Theft Auto, he sucks"