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Joke of the Day

"So my friend told me... So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him."

"Go for someone who is not only proud to have you but will also take every risk just to be with you."

"I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick. ""Just how sick are you?"" he said. ""well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough"""

"I have used contact lenses my whole life... I can apply them with my eyes closed."

"100% of Nickelback fans drive drunk."

"A man has a sore throat and goes to the doctor... Doctor: ""Your tonsils gotta come out."" Patient: ""I want a second opinion!"" Doctor: ""Okay, I don't like your haircut."""

"""97% of the world's population is homosexual."" - survey based on YouTube comments"

"I got my Bank Balance back today. It was a picture of a priest. I put it on a spitroast, so at least now I can say I'm turning a prophet."

"You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"