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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to spoil my autobiography for you. But at the end, you find out that you've just wasted 4.99."

"The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians."

"Which insect didn't play well in goal? The fumble bee!"

"We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks: ""Do you know why I can't be buried there?"" ""Why not?"" ""Because I'm not dead yet, Son."""

"When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom ""Are these my brains?"".""Not yet,"" she replied"

"Why did the French fry call the police? Because it was a(salt)ted."

"[Shark Tank] Ok hear me out. -Alright. It's an airplane made out of cats. -But why? It cant crash. Always lands on it's feet. -Please leave."

"In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device."

"So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening."

"What do you call a hipster with a vasectomy? A Fixie."