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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic dyslexic? He was up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"The McRib is back. Because you're getting new underwear for Christmas anyway."

"Router-stiltskin I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child."

"Why did Napoleon wear sleeves? For his armies"

"So a Higgs boson meets the Pope... ""You can't have Mass without me."""

"I love the people in parking lots with ""free kittens"" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn't be oppressed."

"Doctor Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed what can I do? Saw the legs off of your bed!"

"What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far? I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!"

"A man went into a store to buy some condoms. ""That's 1 dollar 15 plus tax"" said the store assistant. ""I don't need tacks"" said the man. ""It'll stay up all by itself."""

"Remember when Twitter used to be a service where I could post something like, ""Hello, my name is Doctor Toilet"" and get a bunch of retweets?"