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Joke of the Day

"I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food."

"I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card. It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin."

"Kid: But dad I don't want to go to Australia. Dad: Shut and keep digging"

"I'm starting a fight club... First rule is tell everyone you know because I have no members yet"

"What did the old man get for his birthday? Cancer."

""" I made my famous dip for the office party"" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. ""But he wasn't a chef"" Exactly"

"I went to a metal concert, the singer was a bit ill... Still fuckin' sick though!"

"ME: I want to take long walks with you. HER: Aww...are you a romantic? ME: No, I don't have a car."

"Adulthood is like looking both sides before crossing the street and them getting hit by an airplane."

"What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter"