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Joke of the Day

"Good cop: u want a drink? Good cop 2: I love your shirt Good cop 3: ur so ripped dude Good cop 4: the bad cops are striking today, handsome"

"An atheist, a crossfitter, a vegan and a vaper all walk into a bar I know because they all let me know 12 times in our 3 minute conversation"

"Have you heard about Prince Oxygen? He is heir to the throne."

"If you don't have anything nice to say, tweet that sh*t."

"Sometimes, when I think about books I touch my shelf"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow? An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!"

"While Facebook was down I walked up to coworkers & just said 'unfriend' or 'like' & walked away then poked 17 people before I got arrested."

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Beat it until she starts again."

"You call it premature ejaculation, I call it being 15 minutes early."