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Joke of the Day

"Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list."

"There are 10 different kinds of people... Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better."

"*goes into kitchen *makes toast *pours coffee *sits at table *opens Sunday paper ""WHO ARE YOU & WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?"" *sighs *leaves"

"What do horses eat on the internet? Hayy lmao"

"I'm voting for Trump... I've never seen a president assassinated."

"If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell 'em that subtweet wasn't about them."

"GUYS! You'll never guess what I just did for a Klondike Bar! I took my wallet out of my back pocket and gave the cashier $1.29, plus tax."

"My girlfriend says there's no difference between Asians and Caucasians. She really can't tell White from Wong."

"I can just about tolerate pens... ...but I have to say I draw a line with pencils."