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Joke of the Day

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot."

"How does the moon cut his hair Eclipse it!"

"Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink."

"I amputated my own fingers to get a date with a cute surgeon She finally took my digits this time!"

"The whole ""bad boy"" thing is fun until you have kids with him. Ooh you drank away the diaper money? That's soooo hot"

"What do you call a Chinese guy when he's laughing? Lmao"

"Why doesn't Mrs. Clean get pregnant? Because Mr. Clean comes in a bottle."

"A police officer with integrity"

"If it lasts 4 hours I'm not only callin a Dr, I'm callin everybody!!"

"Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!"