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Joke of the Day

"Nike's thought when considering whether or not to participate in the FIFA bribe scandal... Just do it"

"Banker: You're sure you want a reverse mortgage & get how it works? Me(imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments to me for years): Yes"

"If I was Baltimore's head coach I'd probably just say ""That's so Ravens"" after every play."

"origami is a great idea on paper, but in reality folding a swan will kill it."

"[interview] BOSS: How many words can you type a minute? ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean? ME: Well, like for example, pickle"

"""IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE???"" [i stand up super fast & knock myself out on the luggage compartment, requiring another doctor]"

"They say the average man thinks about sex every 6 seconds That's why I try to eat hotdogs in 5"

"My grandfather's dying wish was to be pushed in front of a steam train. When it finally happened, he was chuffed to bits."

"Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes."

"A guy went to the doctor complaining of constipation But the doctor concluded he was full of shit"