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Joke of the Day

"(Grabs store intercom) Would whoever dropped the list with ""pizza"" and ""wine"" on it in the cart come to the front? We need to be friends."

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"Donald Trump wants to ban pre-shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again!"
"Who's Angry in Japan? The director of Life of Pi."
"*she leans in close* 'kyle, what's your wildest fantasy?' *i close my eyes and imagine opening a 10pc chicken nugget and finding 11 pieces*"
"The funniest joke of all time tbh My life... God seems to be laughing..."
"Why do accountants make the best serial killers? Because they're calculating."
"What is Santa's favorite music? Wrap! (I came up with this when i was 8....)"
"Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room 2) panic 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside 4)buy new spiderless vacuum"
"There were rumours about someone who gassed a total of 6 million cows In other news, the government was finally able to meet the demand of Anne Frankfurters"
"I just saved thousands on child support by never getting laid."