82036

Joke of the Day

"""Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures,"" I mutter after each rabies shot."

"If they had a 4chan game... It'd always be in beta."

"You can lead a horse to water... but jet fuel can't melt steel beams."

"The playwright wanted to make a play using only particles made from 2 quarks each. It was his meson scene."

"I get so pissed off when the 'Dawson's Creek' theme song doesn't suddenly play in the background while I'm having a magical moment."

"I need to thank the guy who honked while waiting for my parking spot for inspiring me to stay & write my memoirs in this Target parking lot."

"Two aerials get married... .. the Reception was amazing."

"""Get over yourself."" *Me teaching clones how to play leapfrog"

"What's your best mattress joke? Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)"

"So I asked my friend with synesthesia the time... He said half past purple"