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Joke of the Day

"What did the man do when he got a big gas bill? He exploded."

"My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful. I told her, ""urinate out of ten."""

"Two condoms drive by a gay bar... One turns to the other and says ""let's get shit-faced!"""

"Going to the middle east for Christmas Because Christmas is da bomb there... Came up that myself. I'll walk myself out..."

"Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course no one pays the least bit of attention."

"Imagine if trees gave off Wi-Fi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet too. Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath."

"Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble."

"4 out of 5 dentists agree my cousin Sheila is remarkably ugly."

"If I died & went straight to hell it would probably take me 2 or 3 weeks before I realized I wasn't at work anymore."

"What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2"" Mexican have in common? They're both short essays."