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Joke of the Day

"Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble."

"Running away doesn't help you with your problems. Unless you're fat."

"I ordered a book on near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me."

"Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many."

"A Roman receives a text message.... A Roman receives a text message and looks at it confused. ""Why does it end with twenty?"" he thinks to himself."

"What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games? An ex-boxer."

"Ok, so, for some reason, my lesbian neighbours just gave me a brand new Rolex... I think they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch."""

"Why did princess Diana cross the street? Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt."

"Justin Timberlake was a devout christian during his N-Sync days. He was always reading his Bye Bye Bible."

"My elected representatives and the executives of the firm I work at are going to be in the News soon ! Thanks Panama Papers !"