82013

Joke of the Day

"Every time I meet someone new, my girlfriend gets a slap across the face. I really need to stop high-fiving people."

"A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles Sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, ""It all happened so fast."""

"how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia? when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day"

"They say to have reasonable expectations when dating, and to look in a mirror to see what you can get. 2/10 looking for a 10/2, please pst"

"How did the mermaid get into a car crash? ...because she was fish tailing!"

"Why did the European businessman sleep on the streets? To avoid a hostel takeover."

"A black guy and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? The police"

"A magician walks down the street... and turns into a pub"

"Me: What's one thing you don't like about your girlfriend? Him: She doesn't swallow. Me: What? How does she eat?"

"I'm a vampire that only feeds only on virgin blood... I'm 100% self-sufficient."