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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard what they say about luck? It could be raining pussy and I'd get slapped in the face with a sweaty dick."

"You know what's pretty much the same as 9/11? 0.81818"

"Absolute Funniest Joke You Have Ever Heard Whether it be racist, sexist, chemistry related, or something else I triple dog dare you to post it."

"It is by Caffeine Alone I Set My Mind in Motion... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yorfOiQvkew"

"People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I'm not expecting them to be practical"

"A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater."

"You know what I like better than a good non-sequitur? ."

"What's the difference between chemistry and cooking? In chemistry, you should never lick the spoon."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"I love being American. Just the other day I ate half my meal, got even fatter, then threw the rest away because f*ck starving people."