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Joke of the Day
"Why doesnt Justin Bieber shop at Modells? He loves Dicks"
Next Joke
"Shout out to people who block me cuz it hurts their feelings I occasionally fav them without following. You can also just ask me to stop :/"
"I'd kill a man to have my pillow always cool on one side."
"Table for six please? ""Is your party coming soon or?"" [Takes 4 turtles and a rat out from coat] I'm going to need booster seats"
"Getting carried away is usually fun, unless it's by a truck."
"I think I might have a shower. *checks* Yes, I have a shower."
"Is your mother's name Josephine? Cuz I had sloppy joe's for dinner last night."
"A comma is the difference between ""Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."" and ""Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."""
"I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man... I am trans-fat."
"Took a class at Trump University but ... ... the textbook had four Chapter 11s."