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Joke of the Day

"I got 4,627 problems and 697 of them are toothpicks, 884 of them are threads on my pillow, 3,045 are leaves on these trees, and OCD is 1."

"yeah well i hope you go to put your hair in a ponytail but the hair tie is too loose to hold it & not big enough to tie it another time"

"What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one."

"So scientists have invented a way to turn dolphins nearly invisible It's pretty neat, but I don't really see the porpoise."

"A concept so foreign, Angelina Jolie tries to adopt it."

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."

"Would a gay shop owner decline service to straights? No, because gay people aren't fucking assholes"

"How loud can you talk? -Alcohol"

"Why was the web server down? Mary Jane dumped him."

"An unsharpened pencil... ...is pointless."