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Joke of the Day

"Girl you are like a fine oriental rug... ...you'd look great on hardwood."

"""Hey buddy, what's up?!!"" -- short honk ""I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"" -- long honk"

"What do a Boston Marathon runner and Hitler have in common? Neither can finish a race."

"[cruising down highway in friend's car with windows down] me: [opens bag of glitter]"

"I'm 28 years old, but in marriage years, I'm already dead."

"What state has the smallest sodas? Minisoda :)"

"After I undress you with my eyes I redress you with my eyes because it's still January so it's super cold out and I have considerate eyes."

"What do you call a musician with a college degree? Night manager at McDonalds."

"What did one orphan say to the other? Robin, get in the Batmobile."

"How did the handyman feel after going to the bar? He was hammered."