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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk? He was lack toes and toddler ant"

"I'm going start wearing a cape instead of headphones to deter people from talking to me."

"I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo."

"If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck."

"I just found out that I'm colorblind It really came out of the purple!"

"Teacher: Does anyone have questions? Me: If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? T: Holy Shit"

"Friends invited me to a meteor shower party, but I couldn't make it. They were crushed."

"Use your whole data plan each month. There are children in China that have no data plan"

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they're both stuck up cunts."

"What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry"