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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a cartoon character and a Communist? Mickey Mao."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?"

"It's quiet...too quiet... Did you hear about the woman who couldn't find a singing partner? She had to buy a duet yourself kit... *-drops mic-* *-mike jumps up and promptly kicks hatter in the shin-*"

"Why was the piano invented? So that the musician would have a place to put their beer."

"If you wake up tomorrow with Santa jacking off at your bedside, do not be alarmed. He is giving you a white Christmas"

"Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage!"

"Learn from your mistakes. Make better & better mistakes until you're making the best mistakes possible."

"Bush Senior broke his neck He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!"

"Why do white people's feet get so dirty? They walk on the sins of their ancestors."

"What's the difference between Americans and Brits? Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time."