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Joke of the Day

"Faving a tweet = Quietly having sex with someone. RTing a tweet = Introducing the person to your friends."

"Hitler was a charitable guy. He backed Japan when they needed help in WW2."

"I'm not scratching my balls I'm petting my crabs"

"[Dinner date] I'm a T-shirt and jeans kind of girl, so I guess I'm kinda a momgirl ""You mean tomgirl?"" Don't talk with your mouth full."

"I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good."

"""You spend far too much time on that fucking computer."" Possibly a bit harsh, but as one of Stephen Hawking's closest friends, I felt someone had to tell him."

"A dyslexic walks in to a bra"

"Why didn't The Cold War happen? Russia kept Stalin it"

"Why is an Irish funeral cheaper than an Irish wedding? There's one less drunk."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the Jaw."