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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a fish market and Nicki Minaj? One has halibut and one has hella butt."

"Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps... unless she's plotting your murder... then don't be that."

"What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursELF"

"What is Hitlers favorite juice shop? Jamba Jews"

"Bough some shoes from my drug dealer. They were pretty nice"

"*drinks small coffee after 8pm* *spends rest of life on internet*"

"You're like that person playing Pictionary who draws something terribly and just keeps circling it."

"Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I'm saying is Batman is a douche"

"I wouldn't recommend eating German sausage... It's the wurst!"

"I know weathermen get excited about snow, but it's kind of distracting when they jerk off during the forecast."