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Joke of the Day

"What's a thief's favorite type of armour? Steel armour"

"Why are millionaires bad at swimming? Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it"

"Wrong spellers.. Untie!!"

"Mom asked about a stock she's owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I've mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls"

"Gatorade: ""We no longer see a role for Tiger in our marketing."" Under his breath: ""Because 'Is it in you?' sounds wrong now."""

"The other day, a frog jumped underneath my lawmower.. I guess he was trying to *kermit* suicide."

"What does Monica Lewinsky say to call her dog over? ""Come, spot!"""

"*punches a fish* that's for tsunamis"

"Nazis and the great depression, I get it, Grandpa. But did you have to hear the word 'selfie' every fucking day? Did you?!"

"[dinner at brother's house] ""So where are the kids?"" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*"