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Joke of the Day
"The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg."
Next Joke
"tip: glue a tiny mirror onto your drivers license photo so, when you hand it to the cops, they will get confused & arrest themselves instead"
"Where do birds invest their money ? In the stork market !"
"What's the lightest thing in the world? The penis, Because we can lift it with a thought."
"A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her bed Looping round in her head Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;"
"A really drunk guy... A really drunk guy gets into a taxi and says ""Heeeyy cab guy, can I leave the pizza and the beer in the front seat?"" ""yeah no problem"" -BHLUAGHH-"
"Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily"
"I think that laziest animals must be the animals in the seas. There is Sawshark, Hammerheadshark, Electric eel. Still not a single one house completed."
"Can't believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn't using the slogan ""Once you go black, you don't go back."""
"I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS"