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Joke of the Day

"How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? Juan by Juan"

"I save a lot of money on makeup by just being attractive."

"She said no! *sobs tears of joy* -me after proposing"

"I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was"

"They say that murder rates go down with more employment, so I bet if we gave everybody jobs murdering people, they'd be really bad at it."

"They say that 15% of males don't get enough fibre in their diet... ...I guess it's tough shit for them!"

"PATIENT: How tough was medical school for a dog like you? DR DOG: *thinking back on all the homework he ate* It wasn't easy"

"Can someone please lecture me on their political views in an aggressive and condescending tone so I may realize the error of my ways?"

"WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SILENT TREATMENT?! ~me, drunk, at a wax museum"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cassette ! Cassette who ? Cassette your dinner I'm sorry !"