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Joke of the Day

"Can someone please lecture me on their political views in an aggressive and condescending tone so I may realize the error of my ways?"

"Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car? A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!"

"Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped prison? He was a small medium at large."

"I'm going to change my name to Benny Fitz...so when people add me on Facebook, it will say;..You are now friends with Benny Fitz."

"Why was Twelve running from Seven? Because Seven had a fucking rocket launcher!"

"Two friends are having a game night One friend is a serial killer and the other is a generic man. The man says he sucks at the game. The serial killer says 'that's why it's called the game of Life.'"

"No democratic debate on Christmas Day The democratic presidential hopefuls signed a statement not to debate on Christmas Day. It was a Barry Sanders-clause"

"There's a bizarre irony to jokes about Ebola going viral."

"Why can't Kim Kardashian find her asshole? He's on tour."

"One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children"