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Joke of the Day

"If a car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a little so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic"

"What's the difference between my dick and my jokes? My girlfriend never laughs at my jokes"

"WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?! ""Grandma, that's Niki Minaj."""

"""I kid you not"" -Abortion doctor."

"What is it called when you're looking for a body killed by a mortician? Formaldehyde and seek!"

"Yo mamas pussy is so nasty... they make you eat it on Fear Factor."

"5-year-old: Why is there a baseball bat under your bed? Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball?"

"did you hear about the gay, cannibal pirate? apparently, he loved the taste of seamen."

"I thought about making a sex tape the other day... ...until I realized it would just be a Vine."

"I love kale... Just as long as the K is silent."