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Joke of the Day

"I went to a strawberry picking competition the other day, a woman with no arms and legs won it. Jammy cunt."

"I've never been on Jeopardy, but I have put a 4yo to bed, so I know what it's like to be asked about things you never even heard of."

"Small town gynecologists... I bet they spend a lot of time looking up old friends."

"I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there's no point in bothering with hash browns then."

"*son wants to go to water park* *bring him to water park* *starts raining* *he starts crying..because he's getting wet* this is why I drink"

"What do u call a spanish man with a rubber toe? Roberto"

"i just dropped my phone without the case on it and i can't tell what hit the ground faster my phone or my tears"

"[Biker gang] ME: Do we or do we not ride our bikes at the same speed? BIKER: OK, but you need to stop saying we ""synchronize our cycles."""

"Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink"

"'This is the greatest thing since sliced bread!' Sliced bread peeks around corner, tears streaming, it was in the tv room & heard EVERYTHING"