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Joke of the Day

"I like making babies... Unsuccessfully, of course."

"I'm a trustworthy friend. Count on me to tell you when our relationship is over."

"okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?"

"Two sperm are racing each other to get to the egg first After awhile one sperm says, ""Shouldn't we be there by now?"" The other sperm says, ""I don't think so, we just passed the esophagus."""

"Our love was magical.. it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts"

"(NSFW) What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged."

"Why does a redneck find his cousin more attractive than a stranger? Because it's all relative."

"I don't want to die doing something I love. I want to die doing something I hate. That way I don't have to finish it."

"My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don't remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Have you heard about those guys at ISIS? They're on fire!"