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Joke of the Day

"Our love was magical.. it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts"

"Three things that are certain in life~ 1) Death 2) Paying taxes 3) Somewhere a woman is pissed at a man ...."

"I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking. He said he was busy and I'd just have to be a little patient."

"Of his generals, who did Hitler think was the least funniest? Hermann Boering!"

"Did you hear about the guy that went to court over a stolen bag? It was a brief case."

"Hey people waiting in line to get into a club. . . you should probably do us all a favor and stay in there until after the election"

"If alcohol kills germs and laughter is the best medicine, I'm the healthiest mofo on this planet."

"What's the difference between ten dead hookers and the stuff in my basement? Nothing."

"Why was Aladdin disqualified from the Rio Olympics? He was on performance-enhancing rugs."

"What happens when a spoon and fork get into a fight? civilwar"