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Joke of the Day

"What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? Legs."

"Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck."

"My career is in ruins. It's fucking great being an archaeologist."

"Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: I'm stuck on you."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car accident? He's alright, though."

"Your mamma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want"

"Do vegans get paid hourly or celery? That's it. That was the joke. No witty punchline or anything like that. Sorry."

"No one shows their true character more than when they are retrieving their bags from baggage claim"

"Want to hear the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth? (Bar Joke) Einstein's dick"

"What do you call a pissed off german? Sauerkraut"