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Joke of the Day

"[GOP debate] JOHN KASICH: my dad was a mailman so i understand our nation's struggles MODERATOR: what how JK: i went through everyone's mail"

"I think the best way to prevent a polar bear from raping you is to just say ""Yes!"""

"Me: Well hello again. I knew you'd be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave"

"I'm such a heavy sleeper that i still wouldn't wake up even if you... shot me in the face"

"I hate every child in a commercial."

"What does the Jewish Bruce Wayne drive? The Shabbat-Mobile."

"[evil villain turns around in chair to confront adversary but spins too fast and does two complete revolutions before talking]"

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."

"Why can't guys do the splits? The banana gets in the way. Banana split"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Eh, it works better if you tell it out loud, but you get the ... eye-dea."