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Joke of the Day

"What part of the vegetable is hardest to eat? The wheelchair."

"I want to start body building. I just need to find out where hospitals put the cadavers."

"Ordering at Chipotle: ""With white rice."" ""Brown?"" ""No, white. And chicken."" ""Steak?"" ""No, chicken. And medium salsa."" ""Mild?"" ""No, medium."""

"What do you get when you cross an Aboriginal with a Caucasian? A half decent person."

"I hate it when my kid says, ""But mom, it was an accident!"" Yeah? Well so were you, but I still have to take responsibility for you..."

"Why is Simba slower that his dad? Because his papa mufasa."

"I'm actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me."

"I bet now that it's been a few years, she's ""The Girl Who Really Regrets Getting That Dragon Tattoo."""

"I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant."

"What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four."