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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat"

"i did a lot of experimenting in my teen years. i knew that's what i'd have to do to become the caliber of scientist i am today"

"""He is survived by his poop and three hineys."" - obituary for the inventor of Mad Libs"

"it's been 12 years since Shrek came out, I still can't get over the fact that Donkey had sex with a dragon.."

"One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball."

"[movie theater] *reaches into wife's purse* *pulls out lasagna* me: Told you it'd work"

"Why did Jerry Hall marry Rupert Murdoch? He's not much to look at, but he's a great listener."

"I've just been charged with stocking a chicken. I'm hoping to get it reduced."

"What falls first an apple or a black man? An apple because the balackman hangs."

"How many police men does it take to change a lightbulb? Doesn't matter...they'll just beat the room for being black."