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Joke of the Day

"I recently entered a blindfolded masturbation competition... I haven't seen the results yet so I've no idea where I came..."

"A man walks into a bar with a piece of green tarmac on his head... The landlord says to the rest of the customers: ""Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"" Ba Dum Tss!"

"What's mostly red and has 2 legs? Half of a cat."

"What do a load of bricks and a 300 lb woman have in common? At some point they'll both be laid by a Mexican."

"Reddit you say? Yeah, I redd-about-it. *rimshot* PS: Sorry for subjecting you to this horrible fucking joke."

"When my cat has an accident on the carpet, he hides to escape responsibility. It's a, ""shit and run""."

"What do blondes and turtles have in common? When they're on their backs, they're screwed."

"They say ""pick your battles"", so today Oreos win."

"A guy was running around trying to determine the source of physicians' flatulence He was only following doctors odors."

"""you're too polite"" I am not [two weeks earlier while my house is being robbed] sorry he doesn't usually bark at strangers"