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Joke of the Day

"ME: I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once GIRL: holy cow how did you survive ME: I fell off the bottom rung"

"What's the difference between a retard and a baby? The baby has a soul."

"I have a confession too Oprah. For years I have been stealing statuses from all over the Internet and passing them off as my own original thoughts."

"Jewish football What's the worst part about having an all Jewish football team? You have to replace the whole team every time they take a shower"

"Picture someone robbing you. Congratulations, you're a fucking racist."

"A millimeter, a centimeter, and an inch jump into a pool but none of them know how to swim"

"A man goes to see his doctor. Man: Doc, I need to get some birth control for my daughter. Doctor: Is she sexually active? Man: No. She just lays there like her mother."

"*caterpillar looks up at sky* ""My dream is to fly a plane one day."" Other Caterpillar: You don't pay any attention in science class, do you?"

"The iPhone 7 is water-resistant, has stereo sound and a better camera but it doesn't have that one feature that I want: affordability."

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everybody. A bitch sleeps with everybody but you."