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Joke of the Day

"*pizza man crashes his car into a house and flies through the windscreen and smashes into TV* ""yo you order pizza?"" *they didn't*"

"Some of you might get this. Schrodinger's Cat walks into a bar.... .... And doesn't."

"What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face? A mousetache."

"Did you hear about the guy who fucked a sheep? Turns out he's bahhh-sexual"

"Did you guys hear who killed Alicia Keys? No oooneee, noooo oneee, nooooooo oooooonnneeee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rywUS-ohqeE"

"Women are like condoms... They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."

"Your LinkedIn says you have a job but your snapchat says otherwise."

"I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head. All I got was information and not the actual act."

"How long is a short circuit? As long as it takes to ***find*** it!"

"What do you do to turn off sexy Jenny? ""It may not be long, but it sure is skinny"""