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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Latino woman with no legs? Consuelo^(cunts-way-low)."

"You ever do one single chore and then ride that high for 10 years"

"I think these protesters are sending the wrong message... because they keep telling me to Love Trump's Hate."

"My 8 yr old son asked me earlier what the first two letters of 'fun' are. I laughed, we fist bumped, and then I sent him to the corner.."

"What do books and sex have in common? They both have a climax."

"What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin? One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich."

"The scariest part of the show ""I didn't know I was pregnant"" is that there are enough of these women to sustain an entire series."

"THE SHINING (1980): An oblivious pair of incessant chatterboxes are finally taught to respect the sanctity of a writer's space."

"""Must you lick the knife?"" ""Sorry,force of habit"" I said ""Loads of people do it though, don't they?"" ""Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor"""

"Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop"